sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
