I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
