he told me I talked like a deaf person
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
