i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
