Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
