lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
