i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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