The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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