i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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