like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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