my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
