I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
