why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
did i just pee glitter
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
