just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
