Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize