We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
