It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
