So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
