I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
