I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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