I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
