she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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