I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
