You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
