I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
