i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
