im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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