I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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