On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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