VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
