I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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