i would punch a child for taco bell
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
