I saw his package. It spoke to me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
