I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
