i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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