Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
