I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
