this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize