fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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