we're blogging at a bar
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
