Christians are straight up FREAKS
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All the doctor said was why
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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