3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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