Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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