I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
