Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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