im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
