It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
