Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
