Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
