Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
