i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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