I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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