508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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