I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
