Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
