You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
