; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
