dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
