Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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