Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
