If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
