I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
